The Wildebeest of Inutile Erudition
Greetings. I am the Wildebeest of Inutile Erudition, and I have been summoned to unveil to you the meaning of all the different words specific to The Great Avian War;a Chronicling. This will hopefully help you understand some of the mindless babble that is incoherently scrambled into the story, though you may regret knowing the things which would be better off unknown. Please read onward with caution.
*WRITER'S DISCLAIMER: DO NOT PROCEED WITH CAUTION, NOR THROW SAID CAUTION TO THE WIND*
Also, please understand that none of these words are property of The Great Avian War;a Chronicling, and you may use them at your leisure.
*WRITER'S DISCLAIMER: ALL WORDS ARE PROPERTY OF THE GREAT AVIAN WAR;A CHRONICLING. ANYONE CAUGHT USING THEM WITHOUT THE EXPRESSED VERBAL CONSENT OF THE WRITING STAFF WILL BE PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF IRAQI LAW.*
1. Hellese - Language of Hell, first discovered in the year 2000 B.C.
2. T.B.&J. (Turkey Butter & Jizz) - A compilation of seminal fluid and a cream-like substance kept specifically in the neck testicles of turkeys. It can be secreted from any body cavity.
3. Turkling - Baby turkey originally spawned by CrazyTurkey. They can fly backwards at speeds up to 55 mph. They also have the uncanny ability to squirt copious amounts of urine-coated diarrhea directly into an enemy's mouth.
4. Chick - Baby chicken bio-genetically created to terrorize the turkey slaves. They can create another Chick merely by detaching a feather from their body. If a Chick dies, their body explodes in a mass of feathers creating a new Chick from each feather. It has been predicted that the end of the world will come from a Chick being thrown into a volcano causing an unending swarm of Chicks that would eventually overrun the Earth.
5. Snoke - Also known as "Snortable Coke". It comes exclusively in can form and can be very addictive, however it causes terrible reactions when mixed with the human body. It is highly toxic and should be used nonce.
6. Nonce - Not once
7. Snuggloxyribonucleic acid - A nucleic acid which contains the genetic material to store information of plush softness. What separates this from DNA is the hydrogen bonding. Where normally Adenine bonds only with Thymine and Guanine bonds only with Cytosine, the presence of a fifth nucleotide, Snugglocine, changes the entire DNA sequence as the S nucleotide can bond with any of the nucleotides. This is believed to help Snuggle battle his enemy, Static Cling.
8. Scemodex - Offspring of a female Demodex mite and a male Scabies mite.
9. Dabies - Offspring of a female Scabies mite and a male Demodex mite.
10. Den Depot - Popular chain of woodland department stores where one can purchase all your denhold needs (and cheesesticks)!
11. Beanut Putter - A sticky substance made from grinding up the seeds of the Beanut tree. It is loved by goats and can draw them in from miles away.
12. Mary Belle's Anus - A constellation of the Mid-Northern Hemisphere named for the famous movie star who tragically died when her anus gave out during filming of her new movie "300 girls, 1 Cup".
13. The Big Pecker - A constellation of the Half-Middle-Lower-Eastern Hemisphere named after the great Woodpecker, Hans Fabio, a model.
14. Holy Quail - See Chapter 9, verse 3.
15. Ex-.50-caliber - See Chapter 9, verse 3.
16. Angora's Box - See Chapter 9, verse 3.
17. Cychops - A one-eyed mythical creature distributed mainly in Florida.
18. Cajortling - A mixture of over-exaggerated jubilation and cackling.
19. Ginormous - Obnoxiously enormous.
20. Minnowsaur - See Chapter 12, verse 2.
21. KREIGERGEISTEN - See Chapter 12, verse 2.
22. Catoptrotriskaidekaentomoarsonophobia - See Chapter 12, verse 2.
23. Yakalope - The offspring of a female cantaloupe and a male yak.
24. Hydrumber - Mutated cucumber with several tentacles that can regenerate after several years.
25. Mt. Drglsspckr - A fictious yet very real mountain located in Northern South Africa, which lays next to the smaller Mt. Aieeouiay.
26. Mt. Aieeouiay - A nonexistant mountain which lays next to the very existent Mt. Drglsspckr.
27. Multicorn - A mythical creature with multiple corn cobs on its head, used to attract mates.
28. Mercury Gnattrap - A subtropical plant discovered in the year 3400 when a tribe of villagers complained of all their gnats disappearing mysteriously. The nectar produced by these plants is extremely sweet and craved by avian species.
29. Emugon - A genetically engineered fire breathing flightless bird created by an Australian dentist. It was unfortunately released the night of the dentist's passing and bred with saltwater crocodiles.
30. PITA (People for the Inhumane Treatment of Animals) - Founded in the year 5280 by Alicks Pachicko, a chicken previously employed by Tennessee Baked Chicken who was fired for mistreating the chickens, and Inkgrip Noturf, an octopus who burned down a Red Crustacean restaurant for not serving 'Surf & Turf' for her anniversary. Their motto is "Fuck animals". They have over 200 members worldwide and their goal is to treat animals as horribly as possible, to include painful torture and genetic experiments that have no real purpose.
31. EMUS (Engineering & Migratory Union of Sweden) - Founded by a group of immigrant emus who migrated to Sweden for flight tolerance. Ironically enough, they were persecuted by the Swedes who are completely intolerant of other races. They managed to create an airline company through all the turmoil caused by a band of badgers that came to Sweden to form the world's greatest air band.
32. Quanfiggely'odope - The leader of the Angoran goats, the only goat species which can both control when they explode as well as save a reserve for a secondary explosion to finish off anyone who survived the initial blast.
33. Phonics - A legendary neon green song bird that can create letters of the alphabet from the ashes of deceased creatures from the sound of its voice. They can live up to 555 years and before they die they will sing one last song which causes the next Phonics to rise from the ashes to continue the legacy.
34. Department of Da Fence - A group of abnormally large midgets who maintain the mediocre chain-link fence that covers the continent of Africa to keep the endangered Mountain Gerbil from escaping. Unfortunately, it could not keep the descendants of Richard Gere out.
35. Mellok, the Great Watermelon - See The Book of the Rind.
36. The Book of the Rind - A work in progress by the writers of The Great Avian War;a Chronicling.
37. Klort (-ed, -ing, -able) - A sound made by CrazyTurkey, which can signify any emotion.
38. Breet - A high-pitched sound made by CrazyTurkey used to emphasize his klort emotion.
39. Kwah - A high-pitched sound made by CrazyTurkey which has no importance whatsoever. Is merely used for annoyance.
40. Ingurgitate (-ed, -tion, -ing) - Regurgitated stomach contents which somehow travel back to the stomach.
41. Injaculate (-ed, -tion, -ing) - An ejaculation which right before the point of exiting the body, forcefully returns into the testicles causing intensive inflammation and pain. Also causes bacterial infections in extreme cases.
42. The Eye of Ruminant Vision - See Chapter 17, verse 3.
43. Mountain of Dew - The legendary font said to contain an eternal supply of carbonated, highly radiated liquid. Few people have heard of it, and no one has ever seen it and lived to tell anyone. There have been no possible accounts of where it might be.
44. Shivera - A creature that was possibly created by nuclear contamination. It has three heads: a shrew, a house mouse, and a bush baby; the body of a wharf rat, and the tail of a squirrel. When frightened it curls into a ball and shivers.
45. Steer Shark - A neutered Bull Shark.
46. Orcacutioner - An executioner who happens to be an orca.
47. Dress-crossing - Similar to cross-dressing in that the user wears clothing of the opposite sex. The only difference is that the user must wear at least two pieces of clothing that cross each other in such a way as to bring full attention to the wearers chest. Not acceptable by many people, yet still exists.
48. Attachicity - The ability for something to attach to something else.
49. Herbils - Genetically-bred gerbils that have been fused with garden hoses to facilitate the passage of corrosive substances.
50. Zimbabwan cheese - First discovered in the year 5432, when scientists were shocked to find a species of bovine specific to Zimbabwe could lactate not only milk, but straight cheese! This cheese was similar to Swiss cheese but tasted much better and quickly replaced it as the superior dairy treat (next to Portugal Ice Cream of course!).
51. M.A.I.M. (Militarized Asylum for Insane Murderers) - Founded in the year 2099 by Dr. Felis Grande, a morbidly obese cat whose identical twin brother was diagnosed with insanity when he was arrested for murdering his family after they denied him his favorite food, lasagna. It serves as a temporarily permanent residence for those who suffer from insane homicidal tendencies. There is actually no affiliation with any military organization, despite the name.
52. Goodbye Pussy - A completely illegal knock-off series based on the highly popular Hello Kitty; the show is based on a retarded looking HK look-alike with grey fur, crossed eyes, a ripped bow and a bite out of the right ear.
53. P.E.N.I.S. (Pooling of Extra-Natal and Infantile Souls) - A religious medical facility that collects the souls of already birthed fetuses (or feti) and uses them in medical experiments as decreed by their god, Lord Cyanide. On the eve of every full moon, they must throw a cyanide party, where all believers consume cyanide-filled punch. Those who are truly righteous in Lord Cyanide's eyes will be spared a horrible death.
54. Turkling Trail - Created by turkey construction workers in order to provide a roadway to the closest drinking water source shortly after the founding of the turkey encampment. It has served as their main road ever since.
55. Sedan Riverfront - Had been the site of the Sudan River, but it dried up in the year 2995. After many attempts to refill it failed, they eventually used it as a landfill for their unusable sedans.
56. Gotshun - A weapon preferred by rednecks, it replaced the shotgun when the creator of said weapon became dyslexic and ordered 3 million gotshuns.
57. Snaggers bar - A chocolate candy bar that was created by William S. Nagger. However, while the candy bar was still in production, his first name was killed in his sleep. They never found the murderer, and he eventually changed the bar to fit his new name, Snagger.
58. wiBay - An internet-based auction company through which consumers could buy and sell mediocre crap that no one really ever needed. The original founder of this company became the first Greed when he died.
59. Buffalo Chips Inc. - A computer chip company that quickly rose to the top of it's competition (because they were the only one selling the product). They utilize state-of-the-art computer technology at affordable prices, provided of course that you can afford them.
60. P.R.I.C.K. (Psychic Resonating Instrument for Conversations via Kites) - TurboRooster's design, it uses chips implanted in the brain that react to vibrations of mental energy and converts them into a coherent language. These words can then be transmitted to any other being that has a similar chip that is within range of a signal-boosting device; in this case, kites. TurboRooster requires the implantation of such chips upon birth of every chicken so that communication can be established and maintained.
61. Idiot Putty - A sticky, gelatinous substance that can be molded into different shapes and forms. It is generally used as a children's plaything, but has also been made famous for removing unwanted pictures and articles from newspapers. Many newspaper authors have had this product banned from their readers, but Idiot Putty piracy from wiBay continues to remain a public concern.
62. Cuddlie - An inside-out, upside-down, backwards robe that is usually purchased and worn by those of questionable mental health and stability. Also used as straight jackets, bi-curious jackets, and given to the homeless (who end up burning them).
63. Salem Witch Trials - A hethenistic and barbaric slaughter of innocents perpetrated by an ignorant group of sexist male religious fanatics in the year 6575. They viewed females as "lesser species" and no better than mindless slaves. Any female found by them to be "impure" (which to them meant intelligent, defiant, physically imperfect, or otherwise "immoral") would be tried through a series of tortures that only a witch would survive. This made perfect sense to them, because they were unlearned creatures.
64. RAPED (the Rarely Achieving a Parcel's Expedient Delivery) - A shipping company that provides inadequate services to its patrons. Employees are encouraged to take several days off without notice, among other things. In addition, there is no time limit for delivering a package, despite what the customer requests. And if an employee sees a package that they would like to open or keep, they are expected to do so without any repercussions.
65. Goodbye Pussy Cyborg (GPC) - Sven's creation, which of course violated the copyright laws enforced by the company that created Goodbye Pussy. They enacted these laws after they themselves got sued for breaking copyright infringement laws by the owners of the Hello Kitty brand name.